Where to begin...

Well, may as well throw the bad news out there first so we can end on a good note eh?
But first, random picture!

My uncle's '56 Chevy. Don't let the "56" fool you, the front end nearly lifted off the ground while he literally hit the floor with the pedal going down Las Posas. And if you follow the link and view the original size you can see the reflection of me John and my dad all taking pics of it. Obviously this is my version. Check my dad's stream to see his. :)


 So here goes!

If you don't care about the bad news, feel free to follow down halfway to the good news. Only a fair warning, I'm going to be completely honest and talk about what its like to find out I spent 8 months with a slut only to realize I wasn't the one being cheated on, I was actually the one she was cheating on someone else with... so, you've been warned....

Friday night I get an email from courtney's sister via facebook saying she has bad news about courtney. For anyone left in the dark so far, I dated courtney since february of this year up until 4 days ago, and she said that it was because I was too controlling because I saw her phone bill and noticed she was making calls to her ex on an hourly basis every day for hours on end for 2 months straight. I said the breakup is mutual because if she didn't dump me now, I would have dumped her tomorrow because she was cheating. She said no, she was talking to Jim's son, Kyle, and that she would never go back to Jim, she is certain with all her heart she hates him and will never be with someone like him. Again for those of you left in the dark, Jim is her ex, he raped her when she was 14, and she was living with him for 3 years since she was 16. Oh yeah and Jim is around 40 or 46 years old going after a girl younger than his own son. Not to mention we got a restraining order on Jim when we found him stalking her at work and leaving things in her car when she left it unlocked between pizza deliveries.  Kyle, the son, is in jouvenile hall. So obviously... there is no way in hell Courtney was talking to a kid with a 15 minute phone privilage every other hour for 25-45 minutes each call. The phone company doesnt lie.
So ANYWAYS, back on track, I finally get the beans spilled that not even 3 days after dumping me, she is, no exageration, MARRIED to Jim. Turns out her entire relationship with me wasn't a rebound after dumping Jim, it was more like an affair while she was still WITH Jim. I took a real hit to my self esteem and realized just how worthless it is to be cheated on by 3 girls in a row. I can't hold it in anymore. I have no intention of retaliating or lashing out but I did send her an honest comment on her facebook as follows: "

you're a disgrace... when jim beats the hell out of you dont come running back, i dont wish bad things on you, but your walking into the very thing i tried to protect you from, and as hard as it is to see you ruin your life over a guy like ...jim, i can only be honest and say... i will not attend your funeral, nor will i mourn any loss when you reap the benefits of marriage to a guy who stalked you for 3 years. you are dead to me and i have nothing but emptiness in a place that i once held in my heart specially for you. you run and marry jim not even 3 days after dumping me... and here i thought i did something wrong, but truth comes out in the open and we all find out what a tramp you are... the next time you cheat on jim, it wont be with me thank God, but more importantly, you will learn the hard way what it means to be and adult and live up to the decisions you make... have a nice life, i hope its short for your sake because you are walking into nothing but suffering and any retard other than you can see that. good riddance"

And to think i considered marriage in the future with that... thing. but I'm honestly glad to find out she is the one ruining her life and not me. Yeah, it really hurts and I thought I was in love, but with all the things I've been through in the last few years I've learned to just accept things at face value and realize that my life is a joke. The irony of it is that I'm the only one that seems to have missed the que for laughter. After throwing up and calling her to tell her that her stuff is in the trash and that the world is in fact full circle, so this whole thing she is pulling on me is only going to bring about her own pain in the end and that I tried to show her true love but she only wanted sex and a house to live in away form her parents. bah. She is in fact dead to me and I have every intention of moving passed all this as soon as possible, but for future relationships I have learned that my judgement is flawed to the worst possible degree. Every girl I have ever asked out cheated on me and the one that didn't cheat on me ended in tragedy. If its some kind of joke where I'm meant to live my life single, then so be it. I'm done making first moves. When I find the right girl, I will not be looking for her, she will have to be up front out in the open and in plain sight with no secrets or weird stalker ex's and 100% NO long distance! Yeah... I'm pretty much done talking about that now

So now the good news. still with me? Doubt it, but maybe I got lucky and you just skipped the bad news and came straight to this paragraph...

last night i spent the night at Rose's house (I had to get out of my room before I did something I would regret. I'm not safe alone in my room when I realize my entire life is a series of tragedies false hope) watching a movie that I regret entirely...Solitairy man... she said it was a comedy, the whole movie was about cheating and fooling around with guys and girls, and the opening song was solitary man by Johny Cash. If you don't know the lyrics, well.. here is the first 15 seconds of the song.

"was mine 'til the time that I found her
Holdin' Jim
And lovin' him

Don't know that I will but until I can find me
A girl who'll stay and won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man"

So yeah... not Rose's fault, she never knew what the movie was about, it said comedy on netflix so we tried it. epic fail. but once again, the irony of my (joke)life continues to play jokes even in my lowest times.

But then today I woke up, went home, showered and shaved, finally got Courtney to pick up the phone so I could call her a tramp and hang up on her for the last time, then went to oxnard to pick up MOMO and took her to Oxnard High School to watch the band competition. I'm not quite the band geek that she prides herself as, but I will admitt I can keep up with the drumline and would have taken it seriously if I didn't already take up my time with work and sports in school. But it was actually really fun, and a few of the schools did an incredible job! I watched the DCI tournament a few years back and it was amazing. And while these high schoolers really knocked my socks off today, I'll still be honest and say I favor the blue devils, or the USMC drum and bugle corps, or especially the silent drill platoon. But still, it was awesome. And to make things better, Morgan and I went back to my place and watched Team America, Superbad, Yes Man, and Kung Pow. I'm proud to say I finally have a friend who shares the same taste in... pretty much everything I do. Movies especially! And as we were watching the movies, I realized something that I had long forgotten back when I was still single in high school: Having good friends to laugh, cry, be random idiots with, tell war stories and embarrassing truths to, and just cuddle up and watch a movie with, is far more important than getting married.

 It dawned on me that back in high school when I was still considered popular and had a fairly large group of friends, that is exactly what we did on the daily basis. And ever since I discovered one on one relationships with women, I've completely lost sight of what it means to  have a life. I spent so much of my effort and time trying to find a girl who understands true love and committment that I forgot the promise I made my friends in high school that if I ever settled down with someone it would be with my best friend. And so today was a good experience as I re-learned the most fundamental rules of relationships. Sex jeapordizes a friendship,  but dating outside of your circle of friends is just stupid. And I don't mean limit your options to people you already hang with, I simply mean every marriage is at risk if you don't establish firm friendship first. Courtney and I... we were never friends. I allowed lust empty promises blind me to who she really was. Even as I read the messages between her and her playmate, I continued to fool myself into believing that I could just forgive her and she would want to change for our sake, but I ended up having to forgive her on a weekly basis and it came to a point where we had to just admitt that we went too far too fast and never got to know eachothers' bad sides, boy was I in for a surprise! haha.

Well, that's about it for my rant today. Now on to other pressing issues.

There is a jumping spider somewhere in my room that Momo and I failed to eliminate, and now I'm worried about waking up with yet ANOTHER spider in my covers with me tomorrow morning. It really isn't a good thing to wake up to, believe me. So the Raid and the big shoe are by my bedside just in case I need to make a late night aracnissassination run. That spider's gonna get a BOOT TO THE HEAD!

Oh and in further news, I just learned that all this time I've been playing MW2 and black ops, I could have been using my bluetooth with my PS3. So after finally setting it up, I also found that there is a voice changer option to make my voice chipmunk-ish or really deep like the guy from Saw. So now as people cry and complain about finding 50 Cal rounds lodged between their teeth, I simply laugh in a squeaky chipmunk voice and then tell them in an evil Saw voice that the infidels came out to play, so you may as well turn the game off and hide under the bed til I'm done. And, as expected from the wide range of 11-13 year olds dominating the online war games, they always try to convince everyone that I'm either a really ugly chick or a pedafile who has strange fits of michael-jackson-related vocal problems. Makes me wonder what schools are teaching these teens these days now that the internet social networking sites have replaced block parties and boys-n-girls clubs, it seems everyone just assumes the worst about everyone else online... in which case they deserve to get shot repeatedly and camped until they get so fed up that they turn the game off and go outside and act their age. See? my over-aggressive gaming is an act of reaching out to anti-social teens!... or something like that. :)

My overly manly job for the day: Raking leaves with a flamethrower

Have you ever woke up and wondered "where did my favorite snorkel go?!"
Well neither have I. But I DID wake up this morning and wonder why I was dreaming about the crucible. I actually walked up to Drill Sergeant and asked if we could go again for 72 hours next time... it wasn't a bad dream, but after considering what I was asking, it may as well have been a nightmare!

Well, that aside, here is the picture I just finished editing and uploading to my flickr.


I had another "interesting" day at work, but I'm not even going to try to talk about it. I'm finally in a good mood, don't need to replay the memories of my jerk-off bosses ruining my good day, so I'll just stick to the good stuff.

Today I had a great escape from all that crap after work. I went down the pch with my guitar and blanket after work and hid out in my secret spot and just jammed. It was incredible! There must have been close to 10,000 stars that were completely visible and clearly shining in the clear chilled night. I had nothing better to say other than texting Morgan that it was INSANELY BEAUTIFUL or something like that. I know I call it my "secret" spot, but honestly, anyone who takes time to get to know me gets to see the spot eventually, and thus it is not much of a secret. But nonetheless it is a very good getaway when the stress becomes too much to go home with.

I chipped my tooth this morning. The one in the back that I do ALL of my chewing with... this sucks, I don't want to go back to a soup and water diet, but it hurts so freakin bad to chew anything, EVEN BREAD! =( Bah.

Oh but I do have some really good news! this saturday I get to hang with the Captain again and see a full on band competition through my camera lenses. hopefully I get some good shots, but ultimately I'm just happy I will have someone to keep me company and hang out with, not to mention the hilarious movie I'm going to subject her to after the competition. Totally looking forward to it!

Rant over.

~sw23

Laggin' it!!!

I really am lagging on this blog. It's been almost a week and I've only managed 1 1/2 posts not including this one. Though I am proud to say I finally found out where to edit the pages and went ahead and made an "about me" page. Head on over and check it out so you can get links to my website. :)

A little preview of the photo I posted today :)

Hmmmm, today was a bit of an interesting day. moreover this week has been very awkward and stressful. In fact scratch all that. My entire life has been stressful and awkward. Hey, I've had some good times, but ultimately when I look back I realize that I have never really taken advantage of anything i had in my life. Instead I took it all for granted. Last week my (ex) girlfriend broke up with me, and now it finally dawns on me that it was mutual. I couldn't love her, I didn't even KNOW her! I was too wrapped up in the idea of someone loving me for who I am that I blinded myself to the obvious unfaithful acts she was committing. And as I sat in the living room of my parents' house and watched my mom breathe her last breath I held her hand and promised to take advantage of the opportunities I ruined and took for granted while she was alive: to love people on purpose and never stop loving them; To take care of and be apart of my ever-growing family and to be more social; And most importantly, to live in a manner that would make her proud, as even as she was coming to her last days she was still giving me kind and loving reminders that I was doing things that made her sad and disappointed. What a fool I've been! But to roundabout back to my point, today was very interesting.

I got to work at the usual time and started doing the usual things, until my princess (we call him princess because someone asked where my apprentice was and I heard it totally wrong and said I don't have a princess.) showed up and declared that he was in the worst of moods. He says he struggles with anger problems, but today was a bit more intense, because my attempts at just being random and joking got him laughing, but even through his laughter he had an uncontrollable anger welling up in his eyes and I just soon accepted that today wasn't a day to clown around.

So the day continued on without incedent up until my boss returned from his training across the street to tell me to get on the forklift and put the bins of peppers into the other cold room to make room for the market cardboard boxes on the 100+ pallets sitting outside. So my princess and I began moving the bins and then Veto (another driver) showed up and told us that he called Sergio (the boss) and that Serg said to put the bins in a different room. I protested very firmly that I refuse to do anything without the boss saying so himself, because I know how angry Serg gets when things don't go his way. But as time passed and things weren't going the way they should have, it made more sense that perhaps Sergio did want the bins moved to another room, so we started  putting them back into the other room that Veto suggested. Then all hell broke loose! Sergio walked in and started yelling words I couldn't make out. Then he finally walked over to me and said "What are you thinking? what did I tell you to do mister?" I explained that his number 2 guy told us that he himself gave the order to change direction, and Sergio, as I clearly called it, said "And who is the boss Cameron? Veto or me? You know what, forget it, since you don't do what I tell you, just put the bins in this room and we will have to put the market in the other room now." He then continued over to Jon (princess) and chewed him out a little. I was eventually told to just get off the forklift and go home while the two guys who set me up stayed and got overtime finishing the job Sergio gave to me specifically. [Enter maniacal scream here] seriously?!

But oh well, just another bs filled day at work with a bunch of racist latino cut-throats. (no seriously, I'm the only white guy there, I could win a descrimination case in court if it came down to it, but I speak enough spanish to just cuss them out and tell them to their faces that I'm not giving up my job over wannabe homies that drive golf-carts mixed with tractors for a living.) Am I ranting? Ah crap I'm sorry!

So anyways, on the way home I decided to get what I like to consider comfort food. A chocolate shake from Del Taco. And what would be so comforting about an ice-cream-based drink in 47 degree weather you ask? Simple: the girl that works there wednsday nights is always cheerful and happy to see me and we chit chat while I pay and wait for my food. It's not a crush or anything, I am just trying to be more social like I promised and she has a really big personality and is willing to stop and ask how my day was, even though I always say "fine." But then I got home and had the pleasure of not only a warm shower, but also the thought of Morgan coming over and keeping me company watching a movie this weekend. YAY! And even though Morgan is currently the only reader I have, just in case anyone comes across this post in the future when hopefully I have a reader or two, please feel free to click that link and check out her stuff, she is an amazing, beautiful, talented and energetic young individual. I've only known her for a week or so now, but I'm already finding that we have literally YEARS worth of things to do as we have pretty much everything in common. Thank you craigslist for leading me to the most random head-booting person I've met besides myself. :)

In closing, I'd like to just say that today (yesterday, now that I see its passed 3:00 a.m.) has been interesting. When I say interesting, it means that it was at one point a very bad day, and at other points so good i couldnt remember the bad parts. And so interesting is the happy median that serves as proof that today was't the best, but it wasn't so bad after all either.

So what will I blog about next? I have no idea. I wish I had some sort of social networking or fan-base or something like that so I could take suggestions. But for now I will just hope that I can provide a more entertaining and uplifting post next time.

Ja ne!

Questions. Not exactly looking for answers but if you answer them all I'll give you something random

how do i get a song out of my head if i been singing it for 3 days straight? why are sugar cookies so good? why do girls go to the bathroom at the same time? where do animals go if they have no souls? where do children go if they die before they know right from wrong? why do girls anylize evaluate and criticize other girls that they dont know? what came first the chicken or the egg? why do people enjoy hurting others? why does it hurt me to see other's suffer? why do they put braile at drive-thru atm machines? why do people cheat on other people? why am i still awake? whats your favorite color? why am i so ashamed of myself when i havent done anything yet? why do bad things happen to good people? if cheaters never prosper, why do so many of them win? if the number pi goes on forever, why does it matter how many decimals you can count to...? why does the "land of the free" have so many restrictions on your freedoms when other "unlawful" countries have people killing and bombing so freely? where the hell did all the emo's come from and how do we get rid of them? i have a giant can of raid willl that work? whats up with girl's "clothing sizes"? i can see a girl who is 5'5'' wear a size 11 stand next to a woman who's 5'11'' and wears a size 5... you expect me to figure that out? and WTF is a size 0....? if i died tonight, would anyone miss me? if they really would miss me, why havent they tried to talk to me in all these years? are they waiting for the dramatic pause so they can say "i never realised how much i had til he was gone" or some bs like that? why cant i stop listning to this damned song?!?! and why are cats so prissy? i hate cats! if i played a blank tape at full blast on my radio, do you think the mime next door will complain about the noise? why does our government control whats allowed in our freedom of speech? why do rich people put money away in banks for retirement knowing that they will never live to see half of it put to use? where did my favorite rings go? why did sara cheat on me  for 9 months and say that she got "frisky" with her best friend when her other friend showed me a text about how she got to be on top in the front seat of that jewish bastard's car? why are jewish people so sensetive to the word jew? what else am i supposed to call them? and why are black people allowed to say nigger and white people cant when it was originally a word meant to put them down below whites? and why do mexicans come to america to escape their own country's government, then make public protests claiming mexican pride, waving mexican flags, and demanding the american anthem be sung in their native mexican language? are you retarded? do i go to mexico and demand that the locals grow me a field of berries and cook me burgers all day, then sit around and complain that no one in mexico speaks enough english to cater to me and run around mexico city claiming white power? seriously get a clue... i read and write spanish better than half of the people i work with and i respect them very much and enjoy their company, i dont see them bitching about how unfair it is that i dont speak enough spanish, they are actually trying to learn ENGLISH because they want to survive in an english speaking workplace... theres an  idea...and why do so many other races complain that the WHITE people are racist against other colors, when white's are the minority? if it were a colors war, brown would win, because 80% of "blacks" are mixed with other races and are actually really dark brown,  not truly black, and thus they can't claim black pride or anything because they are just dark brown, along with lots of other brown related races. and furthermore why do white people just accept that white is even a race? if brownies get offended and say "im LATINO" and blacks say "african american" and pacific islander and asian or whatever, why has no one taken the time to recognise that i am not white? IM CANADIAN-IRISH-SIOUX INDIAN and 100% AMERICAN like the rest of you fools! and why do men have nipples? why does cingular and at&t wireless keep buying eachother out and changing names? has it occurred to them that their face value and overall stock has declined more than 65% since they were just two seperate companies? and why does every commercial for any medical or dental thing say "number one doctor recomended" when the commercial 15 minutes before it said the same thing? do the doctors all have a giant "number one list" that they take product names attatched to darts and just throw them around? why do people who are so beautiful have to say they are ugly? why is self confidence so beautiful even when an "ugly" girl knows how to carry herself through? and why do people care what everyone else thinks of them when ultimately they are the ones who criticize themself the hardest? why does my selective hearing turn on at the worst parts of side conversations at work? why am i asking so many stupid pointless questions? is anyone going to read them? if anyones THAT bored, did you read every one of them? do you feel any smarter now? can you answer all of them? ya right. want a cookie? why havent i finished my sugar cookie yet? nvm mmmm that was good. why is there a freakin chocolate chip cookie in my bag? why do girls who never met me tell me they love me while girls who are in love with another man constantly flirt with me? am i like a danger magnet? why do i keep hitting the play button on this frikkin song?!?!?! why are you still reading this?... i wonder what the random reward might be for wasting everyone's time answering the questions that are wasting everyone's time? are you confunsed yet? would you be surprised if i said i wouldn't be surprised if you said you weren't? can we agree that 5:06 in the morning is a bad time to be spouting out random crap? good, then im going to bed!....er.... im going to... bed?